twosocialgraces's Blog

It's a jungle out there, Graces. No, I'm not referring to the climate, the crime wave, or even the spring sale racks at Bloomies. Rather, I am talking about the minefield of social greetings that is wreaking havoc on hands and cheeks everywhere. Recent experiences with handshakes and hello kisses in social settings have prompted me to offer some commentary....

Let's start with the handshake. I was at a political luncheon yesterday and the things went from bad to worse. Upon arrival, I walked around the room, meeting as greeting as expected. Several times over the course of the event, I had to check my hand for nicks and cuts, fearing a wound from the rough, cracked paws extended my way. Then, my black opal ring, a relic from a long-ago trip to Australia, nearly broke in half when some he-man gripped me like a vice. Later, I greeted a table mate, and shook his hand, which was so limp that I temporarily mistook for the fish that was being served. Then I chastised myself, thinking the poor bloke had an injury or paralysis, only to see the “dead fish” miraculously resurrect when time came to dig into the poached salmon. So, what can we do to combat this scourge?

If you are attending one of these schmoozefests, you know you'll be shaking a lot of hands. Apply some smoothing salve. No one wants to firmly grasp sandpaper when saying hello, so apply some neutral hand-cream in preparation.  (I love L'Occitane Shea Butter Hand Cream and Dr. Haushcka Hand Cream, but there are literally hundreds of reasonable choices on the market.)   Avoid greasy and/or heavily scented products, especially if a sit- down meal is involved. Your peppermint-watermelon-hyacinth lotion may have a lovely aroma, but it does not enhance the tenderloin au poivre.

And as for the pressure element, think firm not crushing. My rule of thumb (pardon the unintentional and rather appalling pun) is to mimic the grip your favorite manicurist uses when beginning the hand massage portion of your service.

Which brings me to my next diatribe.

Kiss My...

How many cocktail parties have you attended where the single-, double-, and sometimes even triple-cheek kiss is the greeting of choice? I went to one last Saturday. It was lovely. And some of the smooches were rather nice as well. Except for the ones that weren’t. I won’t dwell on the nice kisses—not much to tell there—and let’s face it, if there were it would have been more about what the kissing led to and Graces don’t share details. No, let’s stick with the ones that got a grade of NI for Needs Improvement.

For starters, mind your breath. If you’ve been quaffing gin or bourbon all night, consider the fumes, which in some cases are downright flammable. Fortunately, smoking has gone out of fashion or we could be in danger of combustion. Also think about the garlic, whiffy cheese, raw onion, or pungent fish you may have ingested. Delicious to chew and swallow, no doubt; not so much to inhale. Consider mints or Binaca as a way to freshen things up.

And finally, how about the state of your lips? No one wants a scraped cheek from a smooch. Can you imagine explaining that to your boss on Monday? "Good Morning, Mr. Fernblatt. My cheek? Oh, that? Just a minor kissing injury from Saturday night." I think not. So, try maintaining lubed lips with a moisturising balm from Keihl's or True Blue Spa .

Let's do our part to make hello greetings a pleasant experience as opposed to a hazard to be navigated with caution.