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It never ceases to amaze me....but if it did, I suppose I would be out of a job...."It" being the appallingly bad behavior of our fellow wo/men in social situations.

I was recently forced to behold some glaring examples.....Last week, I attended a party for a group of young professionals who hold leadership positions in countries all over the world. They were invited to the US for a 2-week symposium during which they will tour around, meet and greet, attend conferences on a variety of topics, and return home slightly, hopefully edified.

I was having a lovely conversation with a gentleman from Pakistan who had pioneered irrigation practices in his region and revitalized the agricultural opportunities for thousands of families. A fellow party guest wandered into our ken. My foreign friend introduced himself, "I am Abu from Pakistan". The new arrival said, "Oh, are you a terrorist?" I tried to downplay the incident, saying to Abu, "Please ignore him; we don't let him out very often and you can see why," but the damage was done.

Later that evening, a Professor from Beijing was forced to endure a peanut gallery of carping about China's poor human rights record. The carpers neglected to recognize that the intellectuals, (like Professor, for example) are the ones whose human rights are customarily violated.....

Lest you think this little shindig was a rarity in rudeness....

I was recently dining at a Thai restaurant and had the misfortune to overhear a fellow patron interrogating his server on the tolerance of the child sex industry in Bangkok. Needless to say, I was sure to order dishes vastly different from his in the event that the justifiably irate server spit in the interrogator's food.

My friend recently returned from a trip to her hometown in India for where she stood as a bridesmaid at her cousin's wedding. While there, she participated in a mehendi ceremony, the pre-wedding ritual in which women have henna tattoos decoratively painted on their hands. Upon returning stateside, she was asked by a dad at school pickup, "Do you have leprosy?"

And it's not limited to international incidents.

A reader recently shared the following about her neighborhood ladies' night:
"We all gathered at a friend's house for soup, wine and conversation. One of the guests arrived after we had been seated around the table. She didn't like the remaining vacant seat, so she proceeded to uproot and rearrange everyone else--all 9 of us! Rather than make a scene, we complied, but it was very unpleasant."

And my personal favorite.... My poor husband had the ill luck to open the door to a high maintenance diva guest one evening, offered her a drink and spent the next 20 minutes (do you know how long 20 minutes is in the life of a host at a party??) trying to accommodate her beverage needs. As is customary, we provided a decent array of choices--pitchers of Fish House Punch, of course-- and Margaritas, red and white wine, a wide assortment of beer, soda (diet and regular), sparkling water, still water, and seltzer.

Unfortunately, this was unsatisfactory for "sugar free, wheat free, chemical free, bubble free, plastic-free, organic" lady (who, by the way, until 3 weeks prior to our party adhered to none of these principles.) She recoiled at the bar offerings, and ultimately, reluctantly, condescended to Grey Goose vodka with spring water and 6 squeezed lime wedges. No ice, of course, because it came from the "poisonous" tap, but the fact that the drink was consequently tepid produced quite a grimace. This only after my poor husband dumped several other attempts down the drain. He foolishly began mixing her drink in the keg cups provided. Egad, plastic! (the chemicals; dump). He then put a dash of bottled lime juice into the glass--which was deemed "highly toxic", (dump) then, the aforementioned ice cubes, (oh, the horror; dump) then seltzer (carbonation; dump). He ended up lying to her about the organic certification of the limes. When she asked that he peel them to remove any possible pesticide residue that might have migrated from other produce in our fridge, he handed her a knife and pleaded hostly duties.

It was only his deeply instilled southern hospitality that prevented him from slamming this beast on the mazzard. Or justifiably stabbing her with the lime knife. I would have swung after the ice cubes. (And I have to wonder, with all those health concerns, where does vodka fit on the food pyramid?)

So, where does that leave us, Graces?

In the situation involving the international visitors, it's not that difficult; simple engagement of the frontal lobe would suffice. If you are hosting such a gathering, be selective with your guest list. I avoid the racial/ethnic joke-telling types in general, but especially bar them from this type assemblage. When you are fortunate enough to be invited to such a festivity, just use your customary Grace. If you have a chance to read up on some of the latest news from these lands, great--but if not, you'll still be fine with a modicum of decorum. Rather than ask an obviously educated, professional Indonesian woman if she works in a rice paddy, ask her how she is enjoying the US. Ask about her job/family/hobbies. What she misses most about her native country when she travels. What are the greatest differences she observes between her country and others. You don't need a geo-political thesis for a pleasant, respectful interaction. Just a touch of, well, Grace.

My friend with the hennaed hands? Choose, in ascending order of graciousness, any of the following: "Yes, want some?"; a withering look; or a brief explanation of mehindi.

As far as the musical chairs guest, I say, vexing, but not worth the scene. You know my position on scenes--chew the tongue off first. And maybe madam has a good and personal reason for rearranging--perhaps she is hard of hearing on one side. Perhaps she is left handed and needs to be on the end. Or, perhaps she's just a control-freak who wants what she wants when she wants it. When possible, Graces, don't sweat the small stuff, and this definitely counts as small. Annoying, rude, and inconsiderate (I didn't even get to her tardiness), but not worth the bother of engaging.

All we can do is try to spread the Grace. Lead by example, and keep up the good work!

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