scottythecomic's whimsical rantings

I got a kick out of this one.  Hey, a little levity goes a long way.

It occured to me how odd it was for contemporary liberals to decry Ms Palin's every word and every past action with regard to her children.

With all that in mind, doesn’t it strike you as hypocritical for the Democrats to get up in arms over a married mother of five running for the vice presidency?

 Doesn’t it seem at least slightly absurd that the only sexual activity that liberals frown upon is the sort that actually leads to babies being born?

Just askin'.

Just thought I'd share.

Sarah Palin does not have 5 kids, she actually has 7. Their names are Track, Bristol, Willow, Piper, Trig, Chuck Norris, and Jack Bauer.

The Northern Lights are really just the reflection from Sarah Palin’s eyes.

The Russians sold Alaska to America because Sarah Palin would not submit to autocracy.

The Arctic Circle runs through Alaska so the Sun can have some relief from Sarah Palin’s bright glare.

Sarah Palin is allowed first dibs on Alaskan wolfpack kills.

Sarah Palin is so pro-life that she personally hog-tied two reps from Planned Parenthood who came knocking at her door.

It’s not raining in DC. Those are God’s tears of joy that McCain picked Sarah Palin.

Sarah Palin’s hotness is the largest single contributor to melting polar ice caps.

Sarah Palin is the “other” whom Yoda spoke about.

Sarah Palin’s presence in the lower 48 means the Arctic ice cap can finally return.

Sarah Palin fired Jack Bauer because he was too soft in dealing with terrorists.

Sarah Palin’s pageant career ended early so other women could have a chance.

Sarah Palin’s son Track is going to Iraq after the Surge, because a Palin during the Surge would have been unfair.

Sarah Palin wears glasses lest her uncontrollable optic blasts slaughter everyone. (X-Men reference)

Sarah Palin actually has Big Foot in her freezer.

Sarah Palin gave a speech in Texas after her water broke before flying home to Alaska to give birth. (Actually true)

Sarah Palin doesn’t need a gun to hunt. She has been known to throw a bullet through an adult bull elk.

Sarah Palin once spilled coffee on Joe Biden & one of his $400 ties from Pink.

Sarah Palin keeps her hair in a beehive to hide her ninja weaponry.

Sarah Palin will personally open a homemade can of whoopass on Ahmadinejad, Putin, and Chavez as soon as she’s done making mooseburgers for her kids.

A grizzly bear once tried to stare down Sarah Palin. Once.

Sarah Palin will send Joe Biden a pre-debate cheat sheet. The sheet will have tips on defending against Kung Fu Death Grip.

Sarah Palin became governor because five children left her with too much spare energy.

Sarah Palin will give birth to the man who will lead humanity’s war against the machines. (Terminator reference)

Three of Sarah Palin’s 5 kids came out sideways and she never flinched.

Global Warming doesn’t kill polar bears. Sarah Palin does. Generally with her bare hands.

Sarah Palin was the original “Deadliest Catch.”

Sarah Palin paid her way through school by hunting for Kodiak pelts with a slingshot.

Alaska is the 49th state solely because they knew even in 1959 that Sarah Palin never finishes last.

Chuck Norris wishes he was Sarah Palin trapped in a man’s body.

Sarah Palin got Tom Brady pregnant, and then left him.

Sarah Palin killed and ate the Grizzly Man.

Sarah Palin killed and ate Frank Murkowski.

Sarah Palin once won the Iditarod without any dogs. She simply willed the sled to victory.

Sarah Palin wears half the makeup that John Edwards wears and still looks like twice the woman he does.

Sarah Palin once guided Santa’s sleigh through an Alaskan blizzard with the light from her smile.

Sarah Palin fishes salmon by convincing them it’s in their interest to jump into the boat.

7:00 pm OPENING FLAG BURNING
7:15 pm PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE TO THE UNITED NATIONS
7:20 pm Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST TO Barack Obama
7:25 pm OPENING PRAYER - Reverend Jeremiah Wright
7:45 pm CEREMONIAL TREE HUGGING - Darryl Hannah
7:55 pm Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST TO Joe Biden

8:00 pm GLOBAL WARMING & THE STATE OF THE SPOTTED-OWLS - Al Gore
8:15 pm GAY WEDDING PLANNING - Rosie O'Donnell
8:35 pm Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST TO Hillary Clinton
8:40 pm INDICTING OUR TROOPS WITH WAR CRIMES - John Kerry

9.00 pm MEMORIAL SERVICE FOR SADDAM  - Cindy Sheehan and Susan Sarandon

10:00 pm WHY AMERICA IS THE EVIL SATAN – Michelle Obama

11:00 pm Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST TO Evan Bayh
11:05 pm FUNDRAISER FOR THE OSAMA BIN LADEN KIDNEY TRANSPLANT FUND - Babs Streisand
11:15 pm FREE THE FREEDOM FIGHTERS FROM GITMO - Sean Penn
11:30 pm COVERING OVAL OFFICE AFFAIRS - William Jefferson Clinton

 11:45 pm Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST TO Nancy Pelosi's Rack
11:50 pm HOW GEORGE BUSH BROUGHT DOWN THE WORLD TRADE TOWERS - Howard Dean

12:15 am SOCIALIZED MEDICINE - Michael Moore
12:25 am Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST TO JOHN McCAIN
12:30 am SATELLITE ADDRESS - Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
12:45 am NOMINATION OF BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA - Nancy Pelosi

1:00 am Ted Kennedy SINGS NATIONAL ANTHEM
1:05 am CORONATION OF BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA
1:30 am Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST TO Ritt Momney
1:35 am Bill Clinton asks Ted Kennedy to drive Hillary home via the lake route.

Ok, folks, Obama is harping on the number of houses McCain doesn't know he has.  That would be slick were it not for the fact that he doesn't care how many Kennedy, Kerry, Clinton or Edwards have, just to name a few. Not only that, but why play the hypocrite, Mr BHO? None of the McCain homes were purchased in a Tony Rezco shady deal.

The truth of the matter hasn't come out, but then again, we're talking about an overwhelming majority of the media swinging left on any given subject. Whodathunkit?

Consider this.  McCain doesn't own them, his wife does. Furthermore, he's not allowed by law to know all the details of her finances. Remember the Keating 5? That's why he has to keep their holdings separate.  It's the conflict of interest thing. Look it up. I did. The media won't.

Tell y'all what, I'd rather have a guy that doesn't know how many houses his wife owns, over a guy that doesn't even know how many states we have.  What are we up to now...57...58?

I am not ready for an inexperienced junior senator from Illinois, with many close radical ties to known terrorists, seditionists and socialists to become president; therefore I’ll vote for the lesser of the two liberals, John McCain.  

I am not ready to pay higher fuel prices while the fat cats vacation; therefore I endorse the “Paris Plan,” although I do not endorse either Paris or Paris, France.

I am not ready to be threatened nor otherwise intimidated by LULAC as a whole, by it’s individual members, or by any other groups affiliated with them; therefore I always vote with my money and write the Mayor and City Council members individually. 

I am not ready for our troops to come home from anywhere they’re serving until the time is right from a proper military perspective, not a political one; therefore I stay abreast of what’s happening and email, call or write the appropriate authorities and voice my opinion accordingly.   

I am not ready to surrender to the incessant barrage of attacks by non-believers on Christianity; therefore I pray, fight on against Islam, atheism, secular humanism, and other false religions (that people are free to pursue), combating ignorance and bias while praying some more. 

I am not ready to give up the freedom we have in America to incremental laws, entitlement programs, big government and those with subversive ideologies that otherwise seek to destroy this country from within; therefore I side with conservative policies, and, against the desires of a certain political candidate, cling to my guns and Bible.   

What are you ready for?

I wrote this yesterday. I have a woman who is going to sing this while I record it and then I'll place it on YouTube.

Obama    

(Sung to the tune of Abba’s "Fernando")     

 Can you hear the news, Obama? 

I remember long ago another slanted poll like this  

In the news limelight, Obama  

You were bragging on yourself and boldly strumming your ego  

I could hear the platitudes  

And promises were ringing hollow from afar.

The hour’s closer now Obama  

Every minute of your rhetoric seems to last eternally  

I am so afraid Obama 

We were fine and full of life and none of us prepared to die  

And I’m not ashamed to say  

You’re charm does not even hide your arrogance.

There was something in the air all right  

It wasn’t right, Obama  

The media was there for you not me  

No liberty, Obama 

Though I never thought that we could lose  

There’s still regret  

If I had to do the same again  

I wouldn’t, my King, Obama.  

If I had to do the same again  

I wouldn’t, my King, Obama.

Now we’re old and grey Obama  

Been many years I’ve not heard a speech from your lying lips  

Can you hear the news Obama? Do you still recall the way we tried to overthrow the man?  

I can see it in your eyes  

How proud you were to fight for socialism in this land

There was something in the air all right  

It wasn’t right, Obama The media was there for you not me  

No liberty, Obama  

Though I never thought that we could lose  

There’s still regret 

If I had to do the same again  

I wouldn’t, my King, Obama. 

There was something in the air all right  

It wasn’t right, Obama  

The media was there for you not me  

No liberty, Obama  

Though I never thought that we could lose  

There’s still regret  

If I had to do the same again  

I wouldn’t, my King, Obama  

Yes if I had to do the same again

I wouldn't, my King, Obama.