newzjunky's Blog

Money can't buy happiness but it can certainly rent it for a couple of hours.

Time is the best teacher, but unfortunately, it kills all of its students.

Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.

I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades...or a game of fake heart attack. 

Fortune favours the prepared.

If it's sent by ship then it's a cargo, if it's sent by road then it's a shipment.

I know you think you understood what I said, but what you heard was not what I meant.

In politics, if you want anything said ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman.

Don't take life too seriously. You'll never get out of it alive.

The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.

If at first you don't succeed, the skydiving definitely isn't for you.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

There are 2 types of pedestrians, the quick and the dead.

I don't care what is written about me as long as it isn't true.

Mothers with teenagers know why animals eat their young.