girlscout's Blog

SAME OLDE, SAME OLDE - Swiftboating George Washington

(January 3, 1789 edition of the Philadelphia Weekly Gazette)

   "We, the Deleware boat veterans, take as our solemn duty before our Creator to make known the truth concerning the Presidential Candidate, George Washington. We beseech the public to read our account.

     General Washington hath permitted certain myths to arise surrounding his alleged role in the crossing of the Delaware River on December 25, 1776. On the night recalled, each one of us did cross the Delaware. But none did see General Washington in any of the lead boats. We were in the first two boats to come ashore and we attest that no officer of a rank higher than a captain was with us.

     Whilst it may be that the General did in due course make his way to the opposite bank, it was well after dawn and his passage was in a heated ferryboat. Any account of him astride the bow of the first boat is most assuredly a fable - perhaps a rumor conceived by the General himself, to provide inspiration for a future painting.

     We furthur have it on reliable evidence that Washington spent Christmas night at a local Inn with his goodly wife, Martha. Whilst we suffered the bitter cold, he supped and drank and slept in warm comfort. By these perfidies, he has verily shown himself to be unfit to rule a free people.

     It has been said by some that we are partisans of John Adams or Thomas Jefferson. We are independent citizens under no sort of influence, public or private. We seek payment from no man but have concern only for the well-being of the United States.

     As Veterans of the War of Independence, we would find it most agreeable to support one of our own as Leader of this country. But when a man such as Washington seeks to corrupt the truth to his own benefit, we cannot in all good conscience stand idly by."

     Well! It looks like the mudslinging was "politics as usual" even with our esteemed forefathers!

     (I condensed the letter somewhat. To read the whole letter - October 2008 issue of the Smithsonian magazine.)