Stu's Blog - Ravings from a Right Wing Wacko

Happy Friday everyone. Time for some laughs: These questions and answers are from the days when "Hollywood Squares" game show responses were spontaneous and clever, not scripted and (often) dull, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course.


Q Do female frogs croak?

A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?

A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.


Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.

A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.


Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?

A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.


Q. According to Cosmopolitain, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?

A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning.


Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?

A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.


Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love You"?

A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.


Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"?

A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.


Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?

A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.


Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?

A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.


Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?

A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.


Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?

A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.


Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?

A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.


Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?

A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.


Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?

A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.


Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?

A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?


Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?

A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.


Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?

A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.


Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?

A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.


Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?

A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.


Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?

A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?


Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?

A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.


Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?

A. Charley Weaver: His feet.


Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?

A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.

Anyone remember when SNL used to be good? Eddie Murphy in one of his best skits:

 

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h5S9AJvhdww

 

Rub-a-dub in da hot tub....

Seeing as how I have been out of the loop for a while, any info on a new Blog A Que?

Is there a theme for tonights Idol?

Hey Guys.

How many of you are old enough to remember this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KC9FtLQJoGM

Bet you will be singing it all day!

 

First off let me say that Alterra on the lake is a very cool place, and I wanted to thank them for hosting the event last night. I also want to give a huge thank you to Amy, Cary and Carlos from the Fox 6 web team for putting on a very fun event.

Meeting the other bloggers and their spouses (Antmarta's husband and Jen24's husbands are very nice guys) was a great time. It was also very cool to meet Vince Condella, Brad Hicks and Renee Banot outside of the news station environment. I learned things I never would have guessed about them. Like Brad Hicks is a wine expert. (Im going to try the Luna, Brad) I also asked Vince to put in a good word for June 9th weather for my wedding.

Now im looking forward to the next gathering of the Fox 6 blogging minds. I hope more of you could attend. It would be worth your time.

I cant take credit for this one... I got it in an email

Stu

Proud to be from Wisconsin!


The United States is the land of my birth
The strongest and wealthiest country on earth.
But the states aren't all equal, I'm sorry to say...
Wisconsin's the pick of the 50 today.
I like S. Dakota, Montana and Maine.
But it's here in Wisconsin I proudly remain.
With walleyes and fish fries and hot apple pie
And the Badgerland motto:
Eat Cheese or Die !

We've got forests and prairies
Breweries and dairies
Skiing on water and skiing on snow
From Big Bend to Bayfield
Potosi to Plainfield
The lucky ones live in Wisconsin.

Arizona's too dry,
Colorado's too high
In Alaska you'll freeze
and in Georgia you'll fry.
Hawaii's so distant
it's barely existent,
California is crumbling;
let's all wave good-bye.
Nevada's too empty,
the deserts don't tempt me
In Kansas a forest is just one lonesome tree.
New York is an anthill,
a flesh-and-blood landfill,
And too many lawyers run loose in DC.

We've got silos and steeples
And down-to-earth people.
Holsteins a-plenty and Guernseys galore.
From Lone Rock to Lena,
New Glarus to Neenah,
The lucky ones live in Wisconsin

Minnesota and Michigan,
they're both our special friends.
We get along fine with the people next door.
Illinois on the other hand,
I couldn't remember.
It's flat as a pancake and spoiled to the core.
The Flatlanders visit us year after year.
Clogging the highways and killing our deer.
They root for the White Sox,
they frighten our livestock.
We hide all the children whenever they're here.

We've got sweet corn and bratwurst
Chicago's a lot worse
Our cheddar is better,
our butter's the best.
From Monroe to Milwaukee,
Waupun to Wausaukee,
The lucky ones live in Wisconsin.

In Wisconsin there's no slackers,
Oh, and we've got the Packers.
Yes, from Kewaskum to Algoma,
Two Rivers to Tomah,
The lucky ones live in Wisconsin !!!!!!!!

I received my weekly e-newsletter from Micky Hart, drummer for the Grateful Dead, and the Rythym Dogs. Great guy. But what I read today had me drop my jaw to my desktop.

The remaining members of my beloved Dead were performing at a party for ...... Nancy "Iraq sucks even though I voted for the war, and Im going to tax the hell out of you for your own good" Pelosi.

I have always towed a fine line being a proud card-carrying member of the Right Wing Conspiricy and a Dead Head. The two do not seem like they would go together, but it works for me.

Now my beloved band is celebrating with Republician's Public Enemy #1 (Well, accually #2. Hillary is #1)

I guess it could be worse. At least Pelosi is a proud American, serving her country. It's not like they were jamming with the Dixie Chicks!

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the beer.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous "yes." The professor then produced two cans of beer from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things--your family, your children, your health, your friends, your favorite passions--things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. "The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else--the small stuff. If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups, take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house, and fix the disposal. "Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beer represented. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of beers."

As I stated in an earlier post, Im doing some hope brewing, and I designed a label. Knowing my, it either had to be gold, or Grateful Dead. I settled on the gold. Let me know what you think! See it here: Label

If this link dosent work, then Amy, I might need your help!!!!

Thanks to everyone for all your support doing the radio show on Sunday. I hope I didnt come off like a dork. I also you all heard the shout out to the "Fox Six Bloggers". I had a ball, and would do it again, if they would have me.

Well, acually it will be two hours of fame. Sunday December 17th, while most of you will be watching the Packer Game, I, your humble blogger, will be given the reigns of 95.7 WRIT for two hours from 1 to 3 in the afternoon, as part of "My Radio Show"

I get to talk a little bit, and play my favorite Christmas songs. So in between the commercials of the game, give me a listen! (I hope I dont sound like a dork!)

Here are the answers to Christmas Music Trivia Part 2.


1: Last Year, Ski shop, at the counter most interesting.

Christmas Wrapping by the Waitresses

2: And I looked at the sky with excited eyes
'Till I woke with a yawn in the first light of dawn
And I saw him and through his disguise

I believe in Father Christmas by Greg Lake

3. I’m barely getting through tomorrow But still I won’t let
Sorrow bring me way down.

Guessed Correctly as Dolly Parton - Hard Candy Christmas

4: Have yourself a merry merry Christmas,Have yourself a good time,But remember the kids who got nothin', While you're drinkin' down your wine

Father Christmas by the Kinks

5. Come now, there it shines so bright,To the knowing light of the stable,Lean close to the child so dear ,Cast aside your fear and the thankful.

Light of the Stable by Emmylou Harris
6. Decorate the house with lights at night,Snow's on the ground, snow white so bright. In the fireplace is the yule log, Beneath the mistletoe as we drink egg nog.

Christmas in Hollis by Run DMC

Update with Hints:

Its time for Part 2 of Christmas Music Trivia. This time, no searching the lyrics on the internet. Either you know it or you dont. Id love to see everyones guesses.


1: Last Year, Ski shop, at the counter most interesting.

80's One hit wonder band

2: And I looked at the sky with excited eyes
'Till I woke with a yawn in the first light of dawn
And I saw him and through his disguise

70's progressive rock member

3. I’m barely getting through tomorrow But still I won’t let
Sorrow bring me way down.

Guessed Correctly as Dolly Parton - Hard Candy Christmas

4: Have yourself a merry merry Christmas,Have yourself a good time,But remember the kids who got nothin', While you're drinkin' down your wine

This bands biggest hit was about a transgendered person

5. Come now, there it shines so bright,To the knowing light of the stable,Lean close to the child so dear ,Cast aside your fear and the thankful.

I have no clues on # 5 as I dont know much about this lady singer.

6. Decorate the house with lights at night,Snow's on the ground, snow white so bright. In the fireplace is the yule log, Beneath the mistletoe as we drink egg nog.

One member if this group died in 2003.

I hope these hints will help, if not, then let the searching begin!

Its time for Part 2 of Christmas Music Trivia. This time, no searching the lyrics on the internet. Either you know it or you dont. Id love to see everyones guesses.


1: Last Year, Ski shop, at the counter most interesting.

2: And I looked at the sky with excited eyes
'Till I woke with a yawn in the first light of dawn
And I saw him and through his disguise

3. I’m barely getting through tomorrow But still I won’t let
Sorrow bring me way down.

4: Have yourself a merry merry Christmas,Have yourself a good time,But remember the kids who got nothin', While you're drinkin' down your wine

5. Come now, there it shines so bright,To the knowing light of the stable,Lean close to the child so dear ,Cast aside your fear and the thankful.

6. Decorate the house with lights at night,Snow's on the ground, snow white so bright. In the fireplace is the yule log
Beneath the mistletoe as we drink egg nog



Good Luck everyone!