Christine_Devine's Blog

MY PRAYERS TO THE FAMILIES OF LOVED ONES WHO DIED IN THE CHATSWORTH TRAIN CRASH.  (pause... sigh)  SEEMS SUCH A SIMPLE, OBVIOUS THING TO SAY.   BUT AS I PONDER FRIDAY’S TRAGEDY I FEEL MORE AT A LOSS FOR WORDS.  IT IS SATURDAY MORNING.  6:30 A.M.   I COULDN’T SLEEP, DESPITE GETTING HOME FROM WORK AT  12:30 A.M.  THE WEIGHT OF THE DAYS NEWS HAS FINALLY HIT ME AS A HUMAN.   WHEN YOU COVER BREAKING NEWS AND ARE ON THE AIR FOR HOURS YOU BECOME ALMOST LIKE A MACHINE.  YOU DO YOUR JOB.   THIS MORNING... MY WEEKEND... TEARS WELL UP IN MY EYES.  I TAKE THE WORK HAT OFF... AND BECOME THAT VIEWER WHO WATCHED A TRAGEDY UNFOLD ON TV.  I CRY FOR THOSE WHO DIED(17 AS OF THIS WRITING)... FOR THE FAMILY MEMBER WHO’S SADNESS MUST CONSUME THEM AT THIS HOUR... FOR THE FIREFIGHTERS WHO WORKED SO HARD PRYING APART METAL TO SEARCH HOURS FOR PEOPLE TRAPPED IN WRECKAGE.   I CRY FOR THE NEIGHBORS WHO CAME TO THE SCENE AND WILL SURELY BE HAUNTED BY THE WRECKAGE AND THE SHOCK OF WHAT ONE REPORTER CALLED “THE WALKING WOUNDED.”  AND FOR THOSE FOLKS WHO SURVIVED, BUT WILL LIVE WITH THE HORROR OF IT ALL IN THEIR MINDS.

ON THAT DAY,  A METROLINK TRAIN AND UNION PACIFIC FREIGHT TRAIN COLLIDED.  I WRITE THAT LINE AS IF YOU HADN’T ALREADY HEARD.   IT WAS A CURIOUS MOMENT FOR ME WHEN A COLLEAGUE SAID AT 9PM LAST NIGHT THAT HER HUSBAND HAD BEEN AT WORK ALL DAY... AND HADN’T HEARD.   WHEN ONE IS IMMERSED IN LIVE NEWS COVERAGE YOU FORGET THE REST OF THE WORLD MAY BE GOING ABOUT THEIR BUSINESS AND TUNING IN AT THEIR LEISURE.    MY FIANCE’ WAS OUT OF TOWN... AND SAID HE’D HEARD “50” PEOPLE HAD DIED.(NO ONE HAD FLOATED THAT FIGURE AT THE TIME).  RUMORS.    HE SAID IT WAS HARD TO GET TV COVERAGE AS THE CABLE NEWS CHANNELS WERE ALL FOCUSED ON HURRICANE IKE.  REFLECTING... I FORGET THAT THERE COULD BE GREATER NEWS, GREATER CONCERN, GREATER TRAGEDY AT STAKE.  WHEN YOU’RE REPORTING LIVE, THE ISSUE AT HAND IS ALL CONSUMING.

AND THEN THERE’S THE QUESTING OF ONE’S OWN MORTALITY.  A FOX 11 WRITER WALKING WITH ME IN THE  NEWSROOM SAID... “I’VE TAKEN THE METROLINK!”   THERE’S THAT FEELING OF... “WHAT IF THAT WAS ME?!”   AND HAVEN’T MANY OF US TAKEN THE TRAIN?   MY TRAIN STORY IS THAT OF A TRIP TO SAN DIEGO.  THE TRAIN... LIKE THE ONE THAT CRASHED... WAS A DOUBLE-DECKER.  I LOVED SITTING UP TOP.   I SOAKED IN THE VIEW.   ENJOYED THE TIME OF REST.   AND MARVELED AT THE WORK OF MAN IN MAKING SUCH A HIGH-POWERED BEAST THAT COULD CARRY ME TO SEE FAMILY.  WE BY-PASSED CARS ON THE ROAD... A TREAT WHEN YOU LIVE IN TRAFFIC-FILLED L.A.    I WAS EXCITED.   I THINK OF THE PASSENGERS ON THAT METROLINK.  WERE THEY EXCITED?  IT WAS THEIR FRIDAY.  WERE THEY OFF TO SEE FAMILY?  RETURN HOME?   SKIP THE TRAFFIC?  ENJOY THE RIDE?

THIS IS THE FIRST I’D BEEN INSPIRED TO WRITE SINCE MY POSTING ON THE PALIN SELECTION.  BLOGGING FOR ME IS HARD BECAUSE I MUST FEEL A VOICE INSIDE.  PERHAPS I FELT OVERWHELMED BY THE ELECTION COVERAGE AND DIDN’T FEEL I COULD ADD ANYTHING AT THE MOMENT.

THIS BLOG IS OF A DEEPLY PERSONAL NATURE... FOR IT BRINGS BACK MEMORIES WHEN MY OWN LOVED ONE DIDN’T RETURN HOME ONE DAY. (YOU MAY CONTINUE TO READ IF YOU LIKE.   IF NOT, THAT’S OKAY.  CALL THIS A LITTLE PURGING OF ONE’S OWN PAIN AND LOSS BROUGHT BACK TO LIFE BY THIS TRAIN TRAGEDY. YOU NEED NOT COMMENT IF YOU LIKE.)   

ANYWAY... IT WAS LESS THAN TEN YEARS AGO.(ITS ACTUALLY LESS PAINFUL TO NOT REMEMBER THE EXACT YEAR)  IT WAS, HOWEVER,  A LATE SATURDAY AFTERNOON.  ODDLY, I JUST HAPPENED TO BE AT HOME DOING NOTHING.   I’M NOT SURE WHAT ONE IS SUPPOSED TO BE DOING WHEN THEY LOSE A LOVED ONE... BUT FOR ME... DOING NOTHING ISN’T REALLY IN MY VOCABULARY.  IT WAS HOWEVER PERFECTLY PLANNED.  FOR IT ALLOWED ME TO FLY BACK TO ARIZONA AS SOON AS I COULD PULL MYSELF TOGETHER.  THAT TOOK A MINUTE AND I’D ALREADY MISSED ONE FLIGHT.   

THE NEWS CAME IN A PHONE CALL.  IT WAS MY MOTHER.  SHE WAS STERN AND SHORT.  SHE SAID “YOUR FATHER DIDN’T MAKE IT.”   I SAID “WHAT DO YOU MEAN, HE DIDN’T MAKE IT.”  “HE DIED???”  I SAID, ALMOST JOKINGLY.   “YES” SHE SAID.  JUST “YES.”  REALLY?  JUST “YES.”   MY KNESS BUCKLED. AND I FELL TO THE FLOOR IN A SCREAM. “OH NO.”  (AS I LOOK BACK I FIND IT CURIOUS AS TO HOW ONE’S BODY... JUST REACTS.  MY KNEES... JUST BUCKLED.)

DAD HAD GONE ON A TRAINING SCUBA DIVE.  HE WAS THRILLED TO HAVE TAKEN UP THIS SPORT.  AND I WAS THRILLED FOR HIM.  AFTER A LIFETIME OF AID WORK AND EDUCATION, TAKING IN FOSTER CHILDREN AS WELL... I FELT DAD DESERVED SOME FUN.   BUT JUST LIKE DAD, THIS WORK WAS OF SERVICE.  HIS TEAM WAS CLEANING UP THE BOTTOM OF A LAKE.  PICKING UP CANS AND DEBRIS AND TRASH.  IT WAS A HIGH-ALTITUDE DIVE, TRAINING FOR A TRIP TO JAMAICA.  THERE WAS CARBON MONOXIDE IN DAD’S TANK.   ON HIS THIRD DIVE... THE POISON TOOK OVER.  WE’RE TOLD DAD JUST WENT UNCONSCIOUS AND SLIPPED AWAY.  THE LAKE WAS SO MURKY HIS BODY WASN’T FOUND FOR TWO HOURS.   MOM SAID... WHEN A SHERIFF’S CAR PULLED UP AT THE FRONT DOOR...  SHE KNEW.

IT TOOK HOURS... HOURS... TO GET HOME AS MY PARENTS LIVE IN A SMALL TOWN.   I REMEMBER BAWLING IN THE AIRPORT AS MY SISTER AND I CONNECTED IN PHOENIX.  MOM PICKED US UP IN TUCSON.  SHE WAS STOIC... IN DENIAL.  NO TEARS.  “ITS ALRIGHT” SHE SAID WITH A STRAIGHT FACE.  “ITS ALRIGHT???”  TO THIS DAY IT AMAZES ME HOW PEOPLE REACT SO DIFFERENTLY TO DEATH.  MY FOSTER BROTHERS WERE AT HER SIDE.

THAT WAS THE DAY MY FAMILY’S LIFE CAME TO A HALT.   MY BROTHERS HAD BEEN IN A WEDDING.  MY FOSTER-SISTER SAID ONE WAS SO DISTRAUGHT HE GOT DRUNK(FYI, HE DOESN’T DRINK)  BUT DAD WAS ALSO HIS BEST FRIEND AND GOLF PARTNER.   I WAS PLANNING A WEDDING SHOWER AND HAD TO CANCEL THAT.   MOM WAS THREE MONTHS AWAY FROM RETIREMENT.  NOW WHAT?  SHE AND DAD HAD VISIONS OF RE-JOINING THE PEACE CORP AND GOING TO AFRICA WHERE DAD WORKED BEFORE.  NOW WHAT?

I’LL NEVER FORGET... WE FINALLY ARRIVED HOME (TO THE TOWN SO TINY THAT THE ARRIVAL OF A TARGET STORE WAS BIG NEWS)... THE DINNER TABLE HAD BEEN SET.  I STARED AT THE EMPTY PLATES.   DAD NEVER CAME HOME.   AN INTERESTING NOTE... THE CLOCK HAD STOPPED.   OUR LIVES WERE CHANGED FOREVER.

THIS HAS LITTLE TO DO WITH THE METROLINK CRASH... BUT IS ONE PERSON’S PERSPECTIVE AND EMPATHY FOR THOSE WHO LOST LOVED ONES ON FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 12TH.   

THE ANNIVERSARY OF MY FATHER’S DEATH IS TWO WEEKS AWAY.

MY PRAYERS TO THE FAMILIES WHO LOST LOVED ONES IN THE METROLINK TRAIN CRASH.

(THANK YOU FOR ALLOWING ME THE TIME TO SHARE/PURGE/REFLECT/REMEMBER.   MAY WE ALL GIVE OUR LOVED ONES AN EXTRA HUG THIS MORNING. )

MUCH LOVE TO YOU ALL.

CHRISTINE