14dabucs's Blog

Car washed FIVE days (or more) after snowfall:

 

 

Car washed THREE days after snowfall:

 

Thank me later, folks. Thank me later.

I have to say, after hearing people complaining about not being able to get out of their driveway or neighborhood when there is less than a foot of snow on the ground, I simply had to speak up.Folks, snow is like any weather event.  It is not the end of the world, but it should be respected.  4WD is not a free pass to drive around like a dang lunatic!  With that in mind, I've compiled a list of very super important tips from a chick who knows from snow.  If you are questioning my credentials, I am pleased to inform you that I spent a total 0f 20 winters in Des Moines, Iowa.  I also spent two winters in Milwaukee, Wisconsin and one winter in Minneapolis (please do not ask me about that horrifying experience.  I shudder to think of the time I could feel my eyeballs freezing as I trudged through a foot of snow to reach my car in the mall parking lot... OH THE HUMANITY!) First, if you are "stuck" (how you can get stuck in less than a foot of snow is beyond me, but I digress), dig your car out.  By dig I mean get a shovel and clear a few feet in each direction around every tire.  THIS DOES NOT MEAN YOU SHOULD GET INTO YOUR CAR AND HIT THE GAS AND TRY TO ZOOM YOUR WAY OUT OF SNOW.  Zooming and snow are mutually exclusive unless you are on a snowmobile of greased-up saucer.  Once you have cleared a path for your car, get into the car.  However, I must stress that if you are sitting in your car and you do not have a clear view out your window due to snow or ice, it is important to SCRAPE THE ICE AND SNOW OFF YOUR WINDOWS.  This helps your windows provide one of their most important functions, which is TO PROVIDE A VIEW SO YOU DO NOT WRECK.  Crazy concept, I know, but try it and see how much smoother your drive goes!  Okay, now you are in your car.  GENTLY (and I mean GENTLY, VERY GENTLY) begin to rock your car back and forth like you would a newborn baby that is looking totally adorable and not driving you bonkers.  Back and forth, back and forth.  DO NOT SPIN THE TIRES.  THAT WILL ONLY DIG YOU DEEPER!  If you have sand, or salt or anything to help you gain traction, throw that around the tires.  After all there is nothing worse than seeing a Ford F150 stuck at the drive -through order window at White Castle on Lindbergh with the driver claiming her husband "took out the 4WD last week."  Perhaps low blinker fluid was the real problem, but again, I digress.Next up... ACTUALLY DRIVING YOUR CAR ON ROADS THAT HAVE ICE OR SNOW ON THEM   



 

But seeing the traffic blogs reminded me of something. WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND HOLY IS UP WITH 270 AND LEFT TURNS? AND I AM JUST GETTING STARTED!

Okay, little background here... I am from Des Moines, but have traveled extensively (wouldn't you leave Iowa a lot if YOU lived there?). I've lived in Virginia Beach, Manama, Milwaukee, and Minneapolis before moving here and I can honestly say that there is an overabundance of kookiness on the roads here in STL.

270
Bizarro. People drive either 55, 65, 75 or 85. No general consensus whatsoever. The worst place for this is usually 270 Eastbound just past the "Rock Road" as locals call it. People go up that hill at 55 or 75, and I am ALWAYS in the wrong lane.

Left turns
Okay, so say I am on a street, at a light. I am in the left turn lane. The light turns green, but it is my understanding that I am UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES creep into the intersection to make my turn easier as the light from the oncoming traffic in the opposite direction is NOT going to turn yellow or red when mine does, leaving me stranded in the middle of the intersection and having to back up like a got dang fool when my light is red and I did not make the turn. EVERYWHERE ELSE in the country, drivers are allowed to cross the plane of the intersection and make their turn. Not here. WEIRD.

The kooky exits and entrances along Dunn Road
Are you guys aware of this? What genius thought up YIELDING TO ONCOMING TRAFFIC AND THEN CROSSING ONCOMING TRAFFIC IN ORDER TO ENTER OR EXIT THE INTERSTATE? Oh yeah, I meant to put that in all caps because THE CONCEPT IS INSANE. The only thing I have seen that is crazier and falls into the "seemed like a good idea at the time" is the metered ramps in Minneapolis. Give me a break. All along Dunn road, you dodge oncoming traffic to either traverse the road, exit 270, or enter 270. For crap's sake!

Staying more than one car length behind the car in front of you at a stop light
Never saw anything like this till I moved here. You have one car at a light, near the white line marking the crosswalk. The next car is waiting at a normal interval. The next car is TWO OR THREE car lengths back! Normal car, normal car, WAAAAY back car, normal car. This is SO ANNOYING! What is the worst is when it is a turn lane and you cannot get into it because the yahoos in it are spaced further apart than Brad and Angelina and Jennifer Aniston at an awards show! Good gravy!

Bye-bye courtesy wave
No one does courtesy waves in this town but me! And no one acknowledges them either! What is that all about? Have we lost all concept of civility? I get plenty of other hand gestures, but no courtesy wave!

Honking back even when it's your fault
Yeah, this one is just bizarre. I've learned to moderate my horn use as my husband, a native, fears for my life and my overindulgence in the idiot blast (super-long to draw attention to your mistake), as opposed to the courtesy toot (light's green! Put down the phone or quit looking for whatever it is in your passenger seat, please!). But what mystifies me is the honk at a car that is running a stop sign, and that car's honk back like you are at fault FOR STOPPING!

Street names changing as rinky-dink-mickey-mouse towns change
Case in point: Airport becomes Hereford which becomes Chambers which I don't even know what it changes into next, or what it was before Airport. This is EXTREMELY CONFUSING.

I just don't get it at all.

Any insight would be greatly appreciated.