......Or Senator, or congressman, or whatever.
I say this because every election year (and now, apparently, the year BEFORE too !), people you never heard of come on tv and tell you they want you to send them to Washington so they can FIGHT for you.
Although we have become inured to these tv ads, when some one is on your tv, it is the same as if they are in your home.
When you select a program to watch, the people on that show are invited guests in your home.
Unfortunately, they bring uninvited guests with them - the people in the commercials.
So, when your relaxing at home in your favorite chair, couch or motorized sex swing, it's the same as if a complete stranger entered your home, uninvited, to stick a finger in your face and tell you he wants to FIGHT for you.
How many times have we heard this ? From Hilary, Obama and McCain, not to mention the cast of thousands that have dropped out of the race. They all want to fight . For us.
Thay make it sound as if a term in the presidency is just one long, drawn out, protracted, non-stop western movie - type barroom brawl.
And they can't WAIT to join the fray.
For us.
This leaves me with a couple of questions.
WHO are they gonna fight WITH ?
Why not televise some of these bouts ?
"Hilary is cutting off the ring and OH ! There's a left to Hilary's jaw and down she goes !
The referee is counting...8...9...10 ! "
"And Bill is leaving the arena with ANOTHER WOMAN !"
I know Mike Tyson is too old to compete effectively as a professional boxer, but, I bet he could still whoop anybody in Washington.
And in these days of $4.00 per gallon gasoline, rising food costs, mortgage crises, and ever spiraling health insurance costs, we need all the help we can get.
So, to whoever wins, here's a tip from citizen JT......
Ya wanna be a more effective fighter ?
You can start by taking your hands out of our pockets.
Ok, the primary election has been going for for just about a year now, and the presidential election is STILL almost eight months away.
Is this something new ? Did I miss a meeting ? Didn't they used to do all this campaigning in 6-8 months ? What is the point of all this ?
And you KNOW what's gonna happen next time. They're gonna start campaigning EVEN EARLIER.
Before the TV stations announce a winner of November's Presidential Election, people are gonna announce their candidacy for the 2012 Presidential Election.
And, to top it all off, I saw on the news that it doesn't really matter how many states and delegates Hilary or Barack win, the outcome will be determined by the "Superdelegates" anyway.
"Superdelegates" ?
I guess they're a secret society of people with leotard pants and skin-tight t-shirts and Zorro masks and capes and elf shoes ?
Okay, fine. Strap them into chairs (like in the movie "A Clockwork Orange") and stick "Pulp Fiction" balls in their mouths and let them experience all this campaigning from beginning to end and tell us how it turns out.
And while we're at it, let them be "Supertaxpayers" too and free us from THAT burden.
If you're gonna take the benefit, take the responsibilty, too.
Ok, relax, "Dooperdelegates", I have another idea. (Like the FIRST one was ever gonna come to fruition)...
To date, the Clinton Campaign has spent $105 Million Dollars.
The Obama Campaign has spent $113 Million Dollars.
I'm guessing the McCain Campaign has spent a similar amount.
And I'm sure all of the other candidates that appeared and disappeared have spent over $100 Mil combined, if not more.
In future elections, candidates can raise unlimited funds, but thet cannot spend ANY of it.( More on that later)
The election process as we know it will no longer exist. ( I think that has already happened, anyway)
In future primary elections...
1. Candidates will have to spend a week in Chef Ramsay's Kitchen
2. Appear on American Idol
3. Spend a week on a deserted island with a nail clipper and a roll of duct tape.
The votes from these 3 Events will Determine the winners.
After the Primary Election...
The 2 Main Candidates ...
1. Appear on "Don't Forget the Lyrics"
a) The songs being....
The Star Spangled Banner and America the Beautiful.
if the candidate misses ONE word, he or she is IMMEDIATELY deported.
2. Appear on "Moment of Truth".......
"Question One- Do you think your plan will actually get to the bottom of anything"?
Candidate " Well, Blah-Blah blah etc. etc. ad infititum....."
"That answer is.... BOOM !"
"Uh- Senator, not only was your answer NOT True, our Truth Machine just landed on the Moon".
I guess you're wondering what about all the money the candidates raise ?
According to my calculations, there is enough money to buy every American citizen a lottery ticket and a donut.
Hey, at least this way we would get SOMETHING out of the deal.
