-JT-'s Blog

 Ok, the primary election has been going for for just about a year now, and the presidential election is STILL  almost eight months away.

  Is this something new ? Did I miss a meeting ?  Didn't they used to do all this campaigning in 6-8 months ? What is the point of all this ?

 And you KNOW what's gonna happen next time. They're gonna start campaigning EVEN EARLIER.

 Before the TV stations announce a winner of November's Presidential Election, people are gonna announce their candidacy for the 2012 Presidential Election.

 And, to top it all off, I saw on the news that it doesn't really matter how many states and delegates Hilary or Barack win, the outcome will be determined by the "Superdelegates" anyway.

 "Superdelegates" ?

  I guess they're a secret society of people with leotard pants and skin-tight t-shirts and Zorro masks and capes and elf shoes ?

 Okay, fine. Strap them into chairs (like in the movie "A Clockwork Orange") and stick "Pulp Fiction" balls in their mouths and let them experience all this campaigning from beginning to end and tell us how it turns out.

 And while we're at it, let them be "Supertaxpayers" too and free us from THAT burden.

 If you're gonna take the benefit, take the responsibilty, too.

  Ok, relax, "Dooperdelegates", I have another idea. (Like the FIRST one was ever gonna come to fruition)...

 

        To date, the Clinton Campaign has spent $105 Million Dollars.

     The Obama Campaign has spent $113 Million Dollars.

     I'm guessing the McCain Campaign has spent a similar amount.

   And I'm sure all of the other candidates that appeared and disappeared have spent over $100 Mil combined, if not more.

   In future elections, candidates can raise unlimited funds, but thet cannot spend ANY of it.( More on that later)

     The election process as we know it will no longer exist. ( I think that has already happened, anyway)

    In future primary elections...

 1. Candidates will have to spend a week in Chef Ramsay's Kitchen

 2. Appear on American Idol

 3. Spend a week on a deserted island with a nail clipper and a roll of duct tape.

The votes from these 3 Events will Determine the winners.

 After the Primary Election...

  The 2 Main Candidates ...

    1. Appear on "Don't Forget the Lyrics"

          a) The songs being....

           The Star Spangled Banner and America the Beautiful.

          if the candidate misses ONE word, he or she is IMMEDIATELY deported.

    

           2. Appear on "Moment of Truth".......

        "Question One- Do you think your plan will actually get to the bottom of anything"?

    Candidate " Well, Blah-Blah blah etc. etc. ad infititum....."

    "That answer is.... BOOM !"

    "Uh- Senator, not only was your answer NOT True, our Truth Machine just landed on the Moon".

     I guess you're wondering what about all the money the candidates raise ?

     According to my calculations, there is enough money to buy every American citizen a lottery ticket and a donut.

  Hey, at least this way we would get SOMETHING out of the deal.

     **_THE CHICKEN BUSINESS_**


John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several
hundred young layers (hens), called "pullets", and ten roosters, whose
job it was to fertilize the eggs.

The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into
the soup pot and was replaced. That took an awful lot of his time, so he
bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters  Each bell
had a different tone so John could tell from a distance, which rooster
was performing. Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency
report simply by listening to the bells.


The farmer's favorite rooster was old Butch, a very fine specimen he
was, too. But on this particular morning John noticed old Butch's bell
hadn't rung at all! John went to investigate.

The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets,
hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.


But to Farmer John's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so
it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to
the next one. John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the
Renfrew County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the 
judges.

The result...The judges not only awarded old Butch the No Bell Piece
Prize but they also awarded him the Pulletsurprise as well.

Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making: who else but a
politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted
awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace
and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.


Vote carefully...the bells are not always audible

Ahem.

   It has recently come to my attention that.....

 1.In order to be a famous TV Weatherperson, it's not necessary to be "all that accurate".

 2. TV Weatherpersons knock down a pretty good buck.

 3. TV Weatherpersons are respected and admired in their fields and they get chicks.

 So, hey, if ya can't beat'em, join 'em !

 Consider this as my "audition", such as it is.

  If you are out and about this evening, don't be alarmed at the sight of flying furry things. These are merely toupee's and hairpieces of people who didn't prepare for the high winds.

 The past two days provided a prepotency of precipitation proving a pluvious predicament of preponderous proportions to the province of Pennsylvania.

Now, let's look at the Big Bazooba Doppler and Slurpee Machine to see what's in store for our region and surrounding areas.

 A colossal Canadian Clipper could clobber Cleveland, Calumet City and Cucamonga if current clusters continue.

  And......

 More ominously.....

 We're out of root beer.

 After the break......

 Paris Hilton has been  arrested for impersonating a talented woman.

 So, that's my shot at the big time.

 In addition to these talents.... I can sing a little, dance a little, I know a magic trick and.....

 I can bait a hook.

 Fox29, I look forward to hearing from you.

 About Mr. Weatherperson...

 Mr. Weatherperson was the Chief Meteorologist in Workboot, Wyoming for a time.

He achieved this position by being the first one up in Fishing Camp one morning, and, on his way to the outhouse in the dark, said, "Hey ! It's raining !"

 

Good Luck, RobG ! We'll Miss Ya !

   Bonnie Parker met Clyde Barrow in Texas in January, 1930. At the time, Bonnie was 19 and married to an imprisoned murderer; Clyde was unmarried. Soon after, he was arrested for burglary and sent to jail. He escaped, using a gun Bonnie had smuggled to him, was recaptured and sent back to prison. Clyde was paroled in February, 1932, rejoined Bonnie and resumed a life of crime.

   Between 1932 and 1934, there were several incidents in which the Barrow Gang kidnapped lawmen or robbery victims, usually releasing them far from home, sometimes with money to help them get back. Notoriously, the Barrow Gang  would not hesitate to shoot anybody, civilian or lawman,if they got in the way of their escape. Clyde was a probable shooter in approximately ten murders.

   Bonnie and Clyde were among the first celebrity criminals of the modern era, and their legend has proven durable. They appealed to the out of work and generally disenfranchised 33% of America shattered by the Depression, who saw the duo as a Robin Hood-like couple striking blows at an uncaring government.

   Despite the glamorous image often associated with the Barrow Gang, they were desperate and discontented. A recently published manuscript provides Blanche Barrow's account of life on the run. Clyde was a machine behind the wheel, driving dangerous roads and searching for places where they might sleep or have a meal without being discovered. One member was always assigned watch. Short tempers led to regular arguments. Even with thousands of dollars from a bank robbery, sleeping in a bed was a luxury for a member of the Barrow Gang. Sleeping peacefully was nearly impossible.

   In January, 1934, Clyde finally made his long awaited move against the Texas Dep't. of Corrections. In the famous "Eastham Breakout", Clyde's lifetime goal appeared to come true, when he masterminded the escape of  Henry Methvin, Raymond Hamilton, and several others. The Texas Dep't. of Corrections received national negative publicity over the jailbreak, and Clyde appeared to have achieved what was described as the burning passion in his life - revenge on the Texas Dep't. of corrections.

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      A pair of Philadelphia 20-somethings used high-tech identity theft methods to defraud businesses and neighbors of tens of thousands of dollars to support a jet-setter lifestyle that included travel to exotic international spots at the expense of their victims.

   Jocelyn Kirsch, a 22 year old Drexel University student, and Edward Anderton, a 25 year old University of Pennsylvania graduate who was recently fired from his job as a real estate analyst, were arrested Friday afternoon at their $3,000-a-month apartment in one of the city's most upscale neighborhoods.

   Kirsch and Anderton were arraigned on an array of charges, including identity theft, forgery and unlawful use of a computer.

   Police found $17,500 in cash, credit cards, fake driver's licenses and keys that could unlock mailboxes and doors to other units inside their apartment building. They also found a copy of the book "The Art of Cheating: A Nasty Little Book for Tricky Little Schemers and Their Hapless Victims".

   Another Drexel coed posted a comment in reaction to the Facebook group, saying, "and no one believed me when I said she was nuts AND bad news".

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     I'm not trying to drum up sympathy for the late Mr. Barrow and Ms. Parker. I also don't recommend their activities as a career move.

     But, comparing Kirsch and Anderdon to them is like calling "Bigfoot" - "Howard Hughes" on the basis that they were both popular, yet reclusive, 20th century mammals.

   Kirsch and Anderton's vacations are more interesting than they are.

    Bonnie and Clyde ?

    I don't think so.

    More like " Bony and Claude".

sources:

Wikipedia

abcnews.go.com

(uh - sorry, Fox, but I had to go where the story took me. )

  I'm getting ready to go fishing. I'm off today, not because it's Veteran's Day and I'm a veteran, but because it's Sunday and I don't have to work.

    Please join me today in remembering our country's veterans and of course, those currently in the Armed Forces( the fishing I can handle by myself ).

                                             Happy Veteran's Day everyone !

   

   

The purpose of this blog is to take the "technical terms" that weather forecasters, meteorologists and other soothsayers use and translate into everyday language and perhaps give you a better understanding of why it always rains on your birthday.

  Q. - Mr. Weatherperson, what is a "dew point" ?

  A.- Ahem. Let me give you an example. If you were walking arm in arm with an attractive woman on a summer's evening, and you paused (out of the intrusive glare of the streetlamp) and you gazed upon her countenance and asked " may I kiss you? ".  If she replies " Yes, please dew ", then you have reached a "dew point" in your relationship. 

    And, hopefully, it is the first of many.

 

 Q. - What is the "Coriolis Effect" ?

 A. - In simple terms, as air begins flowing from high to low pressure, the Earth rotates under it, making the wind follow a curved path. In the Northern Hemisphere, the wind turns to the right of its direction of motion. 

 So, if you are in the Northern Hemisphere, and the person on your left "cuts the cheese", you will find yourself in an unfortunate position. 

 A MOST unfortunate position.

 

  Q. - What is "Atmospheric Chaff" ?

   A. -  Gesundheidt !

 

  Q. -   Thanks Mr. Weatherperson.  Now I can blog with Rob G.

  A. -  You're quite welcome. Uh, blog with WHO ?

  This ain't a road -runner episode.

   I was just kickin' it with some fellow bloggers , we were talking about old sitcoms and I typed an actor's name. It came up Dick Van Bleep.

  Ok, I can see where some people could be offended ( and rightfully so ) by that man's last name if it were used in certain contexts. But I simply typed his name. I was trying to communicate. I was under the impression that  was the point of blogging.

 So, it's done away with.

 Well, heck, he's got a real " barnburner " of a first name, so why not bleep that too ?

And , in a world of 6 + billion people , I'm sure there are those that can't abide that 3 letter word in the middle , for some reason or another.

So, where does that leave us ? Where are we headed , folks ?

 This isn't about free speech. And for those of you who think a certain radio host got a raw deal , this blog ISN'T your rally point !

  I'm not taking the host of this blog to task, either. I'm sure I agreed to whatever when I signed up; and rightfully so. When I enter someone's home, there is an implied agreement that I will abide by their rules, and if I for some reason don't agree with said rules, I am free to leave .

    I'm not asking you to vote for me. I'm not asking you for money. I promise you nothing.

 If you have read this far, I ask you to consider this:

 No matter what race I am, I will offend someone. Ya know what? that's THEIR problem, not mine.

And the same thing goes for gender, religion, nationality, likes, dislikes,... ....

ad infinitum.The things that make you you , me me and us us at some time and/or place will offend someone.

   That doesn't mean we should hide our heads in the sand.

 At some point, we will have to decide, individually and collectively ( meaning ALL of us) what we stand for and what we won't stand for.